Honestly, Beautifully : honey blade

2002-03-24 - 1:36 a.m.

I'm sick of being here.

I'm sick of the flat, yes, but I'm getting increasingly sick of Britain in general. I'm sick of the weather. I'm sick of never having any money. I'm sick of sitting around and doing absolutely nothing because there's nothing worth doing.

I was hoping to go to a party today, but a combination of feeling like death warmed up and a lack of funds has meant that I've spent the day sitting around indoors, doing nothing. And I'm bloody bored.

And it's all made worse by the fact that until I get university out of the way, there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I could just up and leave but without a degree I'm going to go nowhere fast. And frankly, the idea of spending the rest of my life behind a cash register doesn't exactly appeal to me.

I'm just incredibly fed up because there's absolutely no way I can break out of this. I can't go out because I've got no money, and no-one to go out with. I can't earn any more money because if I work any more hours, my uni work will suffer. If I don't keep the university work up then I'm screwed for life. And if I stay in university, I get to remain in debt for ages. And besides all of this, I'm absolutely bloody exhausted.

My other options? Go back to Ireland. What a joy that would be. The thing that made England seem so exciting when it came to going to university was the fact that Ireland was so incredibly dull. Live in England for a while, and maybe visit somewhere a lot more interesting, and you realise just how crap it is. Nej hated England, and since she's coming from Los Angeles I can understand why.

Plus, a return to Ireland would no doubt result in me being constantly reminded of what a failure I am. Two cracks at university and she can't even get that right. The brother may be ditching his degree in order to do a diploma, but at least he's still in full-time education.

Fneh.

Someone design a reset button for life, will ya? I want to start over.

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