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Honestly, Beautifully : honey blade

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2003-06-28 - 12:54 a.m.

Well, well. It's been a while once again.

What have I been doing? Well, nothing much. Desperately trying to find work that'll pay me more often than once a fortnight and trying to keep hold of what tiny sums of money I have left. I'm in that nasty phase right now of being neither a student nor a worker, which means I'm in a major spot.

No doubt, come this time next week I'll be living on pasta and cheese, you watch.

I've been doing some thinking lately. About life, this diary, my livejournal... a lot of things in my life will be changing soon. I'm a graduate now, soon I'll be taking a postgraduate degree and then either off on a scholarship or into the world of work. Whatever happens, I'm moving on to new pastures, and I'd like to slough off all the bad things behind me once and for all.

I started this diary when I was in first year at uni and have tried to keep it fairly frequently since then. I'm not about to say whether I succeeded in that respect, so I'll leave that up to you to decide for yourself. I've kept it through my highs and lows and tried to be as honest as I can. I've taken a lot of shit for this diary, some deserved, a lot not deserved, which I now think was something of a trial by fire. It's helped me learn who my friends really are, and more specifically, exactly what sort of people I can't trust.

I haven't appreciated being called all sorts of names simply because I have an online diary, especially considering the sorts of people who've been calling me such names. I know a lot of people out there have used this diary as a way of laughing at me, or demonising me, and all I can say is fuck them. Of the people I know who are guilty of this, not a single one of them is capable of being honest, be it with their friends, their loved ones or themselves. I at least have that much.

I recently received notification that my gold membership will expire in about two weeks. Initially I was hoping I could renew it before it expired, but now I'm thinking I shouldn't. I'm glad I've kept this diary for the last two-and-a-bit years, but there's too much stuff connected to it that I want to leave behind. So, once my gold membership expires, I'll be abandoning this diary.

I will be starting a new one, which will be quite different from this one. The honesty will still be there, but too much of this diary has been founded on secrecy, right down to my continued use of pseudonyms for people even though most people know who everyone is by now. I won't be advertising my new diary, but I won't make any attempts to hide it either. If you're already on my friends list, you'll receive notification of my new username. If not, well, it won't be too hard to track me down again.

The same will apply to my livejournal, which I will be abandoning shortly. Keeping up with both diaries has been difficult and annoying, especially with livejournal being so much easier to update. Encourages laziness and substance-free posting, doncha know. I'll miss my cat avatars but not much that can be done about that, unless I move them to the new diary.

So, anyway. Not sure how many more updates I'll make before bowing out, but thanks to everyone for reading, and friends-list people - keep watching your buddy lists.

See ya.


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