Honestly, Beautifully : honey blade
latest // older // mail // notes // links // cast list // my rings // rings i'm on
2002-10-31 - 1:00 a.m.
Ah, here's the anxiety. Right on cue.
On the tube today I began to think about my cosplay performance at Aya, and SMACK! Anxiety. Palpitations and everything. What if my costume falls to bits? What if I forget the words to my song? What if I just plain suck?
Up till now I've been having anxiety dreams about other things, mostly to do with Neko's costume, in fact. They've been dreams where it's suddenly a week before the con, or the day of the con, and I still have too much stuff to do. Now that all that stuff is out of the way (Neko's costume and my costume are both about as finished as they'll ever be), I expect to get anxiety dreams about the actual masquerade.
I've had anxiety dreams before every con I've been to, apart from Ayanext in 1999. And then I wasn't taking part in the masquerade and had basically nothing much to worry about. I've been doing cosplay for nearly six years, you'd think I'd be over it by now, but I'm not. In fact, I think it's gotten steadily worse. I wasn't nearly so nervous at my first two cons as I was at my third, and I currently feel as stressed as I did right before the masquerade at my third con.
I will be so glad when the weekend is over.
Neko's coming over tomorrow evening and we're going to the con together. So if I do hit any major panic attacks he can slap me or something. And I don't have to travel alone this way, either, which is nice. I was hoping some of the London-based people I know might be able to go on the same train as me but they're all either going by car or are booked on different trains. Oh well.
I should go to bed now anyway. Early start for me tomorrow. Quite apart from uni, I have some business to attend to rather urgently...
.
.