Honestly, Beautifully : honey blade

2002-04-29 - 12:18 a.m.

Fuck it.

I'm not going to Ayacon.

Guess I'll sell my registration to Neko. Failing that, I have a registration for sale. Any takers, mail me and I'll contact you as and when things develop.

Furthermore I'm never going to a con again. I'm never doing cosplay again. And I want as little to do with the UK anime scene as possible.

Why? Because it's stopped being fun.

Note for the impatient: rant starts now and ends at the bottom of the page, OK?

There's all the stupid fucking politics associated with the scene. This little clique hates that little clique and anyone who dares try to be associated with both little cliques is considered a wicked defector by one or the other or both, depending on how fucking childish the members of said cliques are.

And I'm sick of the fucking bitching. I am not, repeat, NOT going to go to a con and stand around and watch like a muppet while certain people whinge about me to certain other people. I know fucking well that I'm well-known among UK anime fans but I've hardly spoken to most of the attendees of the average con.

More people know of me - and have formed an opinion of me - through HEARSAY. And even though we all know that hearsay is so unreliable that courts won't accept it as evidence, people still believe what they hear about me without even saying two words to me.

I'm retarded and dysfunctional, doncha know. Friends? I don't have those. Everyone talks shit about me while I'm not looking and I'm too fucking stupid to see it. But then I mustn't be worth anything in the first place if people can find so much shit to spew about me behind my back.

Ooh, know what else? I'm a fucking psycho. Yep, you heard it here first. Apparently caring about things makes you a psycho these days. How funny is that, eh?!

So, yes. I'm sick to death of all the petty bullshit that goes on in UK anime fandom, and I'm sick of how all that petty bullshit exists and yet no-one even acknowledges that it exists.

I was on a message board a little while ago and someone who'd never been to a con before asked what cons are like. And the response was overwhelmingly to the effect of "oh, they're great, everyone's really friendly, there's a great atmosphere, blah blah blah". And yes, there is a pretty nice atmosphere. But only at your first con. After your first con you've met people, you've befriended people, and now you're sucked into the petty bullshit and politics. And there is. No. Escape.

And cosplay isn't fun anymore either. If you do cosplay for five years and get fuck all acknowledgement for your efforts just because you don't have the tits and/or ass, or you can't claim the newbie sympathy vote, you're going to get just a tiny bit disillusioned. Every single costume I have ever made, I have worked my butt off and run myself ragged trying to make it just perfect, and what have I got to show for my efforts?

=tumbleweed blows past=

Last Minami, while I was in my Felicia costume, Judas said "if you don't win something then there is no justice in the world". And I didn't win anything. So there is no justice in the world.

Actually, I'd have been considerably less bugged if the ones who did win weren't so damn predictable.

You had three Sakuras, all of whom won a prize (despite two of them being in the same fucking group). They pick an anime that's "in" right now and it's in the bag. What's more, the girl who won best in show got the newbie sympathy vote from the judges. Her requested introduction was "this is my first con and thanks to my mum for making the costume!!". The costume looked shit. It looked like it was made out of curtains. But awww, she's a newbie, and what a precious introduction! Give her the prize! Oh, I feel tears springing to my eyes...

Anyway. Again, it's not fun anymore. And why bother continuing to do something if it's not fun anymore?

Hopefully this won't upset Neko's cosplay plans too much, since we were supposed to be doing a group thing at Aya. But hey, he's doing Rabi-En-Rose from DiGi Charat. It's not like anyone's going to notice me as Puchiko anyway. All she really does in the anime is stand around, look cute and make pointed comments. And I fail in the cute department, so no-one's going to care if I'm not there.

The other night, my mum and I went to see About A Boy in the cinema in Birmingham. First of all, yes, it is pretty good, but that's not my point.

There's a bit in it where the boy of the title asks Hugh Grant to help his mother out with her depression. And Hugh Grant replies "who do you think I am? I'm just the guy who's good at picking out cool trainers and CDs. I can't help you with anything important." And in many ways, that is me.

I can talk about fluff and stuff all day but don't ask me for advice on serious problems or anything because I won't have a bloody clue. And this is all made worse by the fact that I actually care about the people who ask me for advice on things, so I feel bloody useless and pathetic when I can't help them.

It seems like life is so much easier on people for whom everything means nothing. So I'm going to gradually cut off as many things that mean anything to me as possible.

No more cons. No more LAC. No more big meet-ups with people so we can go play DDR and look around Colindale. Once you start to have things that you're passionate about, your problems start.

This is not to say that I'm going to cut myself off from everything. Those of you I consider to be good friends - Nej, Lily, Aya, Becca, Neko, X, Nii-chan and so on - you'll still be meaningful to me. I'm just slicing away the unnecessary stuff. Like petty bullshit.

.

previous - next

.